Vivalabetsy

Sorry I’ve been gone.  I just needed a break.  I feel like I go through the same things over and over again.  I lose some weight — sometimes a little, sometimes a lot — and then I get frustrated, because despite how far I’ve come, I still have so far to go.  I’ve lost 60 lbs so far and still have three times that to lose to be a healthy weight.  So I get frustrated, start eating, and gain some of the weight back.  By the time I’m ready to go again, I lose the weight I gained but get frustrated again.  It’s a nasty cycle.  And one I want to break.  I know that if I can just get under 300 lbs (which I haven’t been since late middle school/early high school — scary, I know) I’ll have a whole new energy and will to do this.  299 is my first major milestone!  Only 15 lbs to go!

Yesterday at work, a guy filled out an online application.  For about an hour he was ten feet from me and hit on me constantly.  A couple of hours later, I found out he’d had a gun on him and had just gotten out of prison for trying to kill one of my co-workers.  For obvious reasons that really upset me.  What if I’d been stupid and given him my phone number or address like he kept asking?  I’m not that stupid, but I keep wondering, “What if…?”  I’ve been thinking about my life ever since.  I’m pretty happy with how my life is going so far.  I’ve hit a few bumps, but I’ve kept going and have been stronger for it.

I realized that my whole life that I’ve basically been alone.  I mean, I’ve had close friends, but no one to be close with, no one to protect me and hold me and give me comfort in any kind of physical way.  One of the guys at work told me I should’ve called him, that he would have protected me.  I know he meant in a brotherly way, but that made me realize what I’d been missing.  Guys don’t usually think of me in a romantic way (except for the creepy ones), so, as a defense mechanism, I tell myself I’m not interested in a relationship.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t need to be with a guy to be happy, but I just realized after yesterday’s events that I want companionship.  Friends eventually get married and move on.  I want someone who I can spend my life with.

So I’m going to work extra hard to lose weight and get my self-confidence up, and I’m going to work on putting myself out there.  I’ve been hiding from guys my whole life, and I’ve finally pulled my head out of my butt and realized it. 

I have new resolve and a new perspective.  Now is the time for action!

I’m gonna cut right to the chase - my roommate is verbally and emotionally abusive.  I’ve put up with it for 8 months and I’m done.  This has gone well beyond the “I’m-having-a-rough-time-and-being-crabby stage.”  I’m packing up and leaving to go live with my mother.  I have a job lined up and I’ll come back in the fall when I start school.  I’ve put up with abuse in the past when I had to, and now that I don’t have to, I’m not going to.  He can shove his temper up his ass.  I’m leaving before he becomes physically abusive.

Never, NEVER let anyone treat you as less than you deserve!  We are STRONG, and we DON’T have to put up with it!

Weeeellllllll . . . I fell off the wagon again.  I have plenty of excuses - several very valid ones - but they’re excuses all the same.  I’m out of excuses now, though. 

I’d quit running for two or so months; I finally went out for a run today.  Thankfully, I haven’t completely lost my stamina.  And I plan to continue C25K regularly.  (I’m gonna take a second to shamelessly plug C25K.)  For those who don’t know, C25k stands for Couch To 5K in 9 Weeks.  Of course, I’ve been doing week 1 for like ever now (though I did week 2 right before my hiatus), but I am extremely out of shape and now have to make make up for time not running.  It’s an extremely beginner friendly running program that starts off jogging 60 seconds and walking 90 seconds in 8 repetitions, which is roughly 20 minutes.  Here is a link for more info on the program if you’re interested:

http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml

And here is a link to the C25K fitness group.  We are always happy to have new people.  And we all go at our own pace, so you don’t have to wait for a specific time for the program to start.  We put a new thread up every month now, so here is November’s link:

http://www.weight-loss-forums.buddyslim.com/fitness-challenge/5688-couch-5k-november2009-3.html#post235860

Had a hard week and decided to start a video blog to jump start my enthusiasm.  Here’s the link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wVeqqoPoPY

It’s really awkward.  Lol.

I FINALLY got my new laptop!  Really glad to be back!  And it was definitely worth the wait!  (The laptop, I mean.  I really missed you guys.) 

I’ve had bad weather here for over a week, so I haven’t been able to run- I don’t have a treadmill or anything.  I just know I had a gain this week.  I’m afraid to look.  But I’ll start running again, and things will be fine.  Finally got out for a brief run today.  I decided that since it was a short run that I’d try week 2 of C25K.  It wasn’t anywhere near as bad as I thought it would be, which came as a relief.  I didn’t realize how much that was weighing on my mind.

Had to get my car fixed.  The engine started turning off whenever the car stopped moving.  I’m poor again.

 I’m thinking about going half vegetarian.  I can’t really afford to cook for myself yet, because so far all of my income is going toward my car.  But I want to try to have strictly vegetarian meals 3-4 days a week.

I guess that’s about it.  My life is pretty boring right now.  Keep up the good work, girls!

I DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I finally completed a week 1 C25K run without stopping early!  A small milestone, but a necessary one.  I’m am REALLY excited about this!  Yay!!

 Also, I’m down a shirt size!  I bought my first 22/24 shirt yesterday!  That deserves another YAY!

 Sorry it’s so short.  I’m borrowing this computer.  Keep it up, girls!  I believe in you!

I tried to turn my computer on today and it wouldn’t load.  I think I got a virus.  I have to buy another one, which I’m going too do tommorow.  Thankfully, my mom is loaning me the money.  I’ll try to check in as much as possible, but right now I’m on my friend’s mom’s computer.  I should have the new one in 7-10 days.  Oh well, it was really time for a new one anyway.

I had a bit of a sweet tooth today, and was trying to find something at least somewhat healthy.  I got out a bowl, put in two small scoops of Breyers sugar free butter pecan ice cream, and topped it with apple sauce.  OMG!  It was so ridiculously good!  It was like eating apple pie (without the uber sugariness) with a scoop of ice cream.  I highly recommend it.  The ice cream is 110 calories for 1/2 cup, and I’m not sure about the apple sauce.  Yum!  Does anyone else have any good receipes?  (Everything, not just desserts.)

Hi guys,

I’ve had some definite highs and lows this week.  I’m going to unload a little bit.  This stuff’s really been weighing on my mind.

I hang out with a group of friends, but recently the only couple, Randy and Renee, broke up, splitting the group.  I was the only one who didn’t pick a side.  (I would like to say that I am/was very good friends with everyone in the group, especially Chris, and even though it won’t sound like it, my friendship with Chris was requited.)  Now, Renee and Chris, who is gay, kind of formed their own group, but they are pushing everyone else away so they can be together (in a non-romantic way).  I started out as their friend, even after the breakup, but it got to the point where I was the only one initiating contact with them.  So, I decided to put this to the test.  I ignored them to see how long until they called me.  I figured at the very least, they might figure out I was mad and contact me.  That was more than two weeks ago.  Finally, Randy told Renee I was mad (they hadn’t even noticed I hadn’t been contacting them).  I decided not to forgive them until they showed some effort to keep our friendship alive- by that, I mean I wanted them to at the very least initiate a conversation with me, even if it was a fight.  I don’t think that’s unreasonable.  I did forgive Renee, but Chris, whom I was a better friend with, has decided that since I’m mad, he’s going to be mad, and he’s not going to contact me.  Basically, he has no real arguement and has decided to be childish.  The problem is that I do want to be his friend, I just don’t want to give in, because that would mean I’d just have been blowing hot air for the last two weeks(throwing a hissy fit), and Chris would think that it’s okay to treat people like they’re only as good as long as they’re convenient.  As a sidebar, I hold grudges about as well as a bucket with holes holds water.  I’m just not a fighter, because, most of the time, there is no point to fighting.  This is important to me…but I don’t want to lose my friend, and I’m heartbroken over this.

 On a lighter note, I started the Couch to 5K program today.  I didn’t quite finish, but I got pretty close- I did all but the last two repetitions.  That’s actually better than I thought I’d do, so I’m pumped and ready to try it again and improve myself.  There’s a really pretty park near my house with a trach around a lake. It’s 2 miles long and shady the whole way.  Even though I didn’t finish the jogging, I got a good workout finishing the track at a brisk walk.  I know I’ve already said this, but I’m pumped!  XD

First of all, I wanted to post this link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JOzgTvKPkg&feature=channel

There is a girl on YouTube who started a weekly video blog about her weight loss, called Losing Weight: The Hard Way.  It wasn’t the fastest process (when is it ever?), but she finally met her goal last month!  Yay for her!  The link takes you to a blog she did about the weight loss process and how it IS a lifestyle change.  I was fairly surprised at what a good job she did- she’s a fair motivational speaker.

If you’re in need of some motivation, I’d search for her blog on YouTube and watch the first couple of weeks and the last couple of weeks (it goes through 58 weeks).

 On to other things… I’ve decided to do the Couch to 5 K program (C25K).  Notice I didn’t say “try”.  Almost did, though.  I had to catch myself.  Trying implies that you have a good chance of failing or quitting.  I will NOT be in that mindset before even starting.

For those of you wondering what C25K is, here is another link:

http://www.coolrunning.com/engine/2/2_3/181.shtml

 I’m really excited about this and am starting either Monday or Tuesday.  Yay!  Maybe I’m weird, but I found that Run, Fatboy, Run really made me want to take up running. . .so I am.  Wish me luck!